Excuses, excuses, excuses...

[bop_radar]

Wah! I'm not exactly on top of things at the moment. So profuse apologies for kind of sucking at fandom life right now. I had all these grand intentions... but I'm rapidly running out of 2009 time to do them in. ;) So I'm thinking a clean slate in 2010 is going to be a great relief.


Apart from completing my festivid and doing Ledger duties, I've been totally out of things fandom-related, including vid chats, but I hope to get them up again in 2010. Sigh. I have various other vidding-related organisational duties to perform as well, none of which have been forgotten about but again, they're looking like jobs for 2010. :( Where did the year go?

Freelancing is fabulous except that it's apparently compounded my uncanny ability to let everything else in my life slide into chaos while working. So the work side of things? Going swimmingly! But I think I'm in danger of being a workaholic. When I'm not working, I feel really jittery and anxious, and I can't really relax... which means very little in the way of cleaning, cooking, exercise, socialising, relaxing or personal projects (inc. vidding) gets done. :( I'm trying to turn that around.

I've also got a new hobby eating up my time and energy, in the form of Bollywood and Indian Fusion dance. Somehow a couple of months after taking it up, I'm facing a dance performance on Sunday night! This seemed like a BRILLIANT idea about a month ago but now seems terrifying, especially as my costume does not fit, I haven't the faintest idea how to put on make-up having not done so for several years, and I've never really performed *anything* before. Except an extremely traumatising karaoke experience once. I am sure the ensuing mess will make a hilarious story, but why I thought I needed MORE anxiety before Christmas, I have no idea! On the upside, I get to fulfil my dream of wearing a sari (some girls dream of wedding dresses, I dream of saris...).

The dance is helping with the health side of things though, which had slumped rather badly in the first months of freelancing. Now I'm losing weight and getting onto a healthy eating program and hope to continue to improve in this in 2010. 2010 is going to be my year of concentrating on the Things That Really Matter. I need to learn that work can take care of itself, and that it is not just permissible but preferable to spend time on the other things that make life worth living... like friends, health, fun, creativity...

Part of that is going to be accepting when I'm just totally overwhelmed and getting help with it or taking steps to manage it.

In fandom, that is sadly going to mean cutting my friendslist down substantially. I have this rosy idea that I'll one day have time to read it in full and get to know everyone but you know what? That's never going to happen--its too damn large. And probably more than two thirds of my friendslist barely ever interact with me. So what the hell is the point? Trust me, if we actually converse, you won't get cut, and if we don't but you want me to keep you friended, feel free to pipe up. I'll still be surfing around LJ and nearly all my posts are public, so it's not like anyone will really be losing out. I just hope that cutting my friendslist will mean I can really focus on the people that actually give a damn about me. Quality over quantity, yes? :D Of course anyone is still welcome to friend me and comment in any of my posts, especially the very obviously public 'chat' ones like vid chats.

Christmas time is hard for me. My family is tiny and stressful. I generally have a lot of spare time around Christmas, my birthday and New Year. I didn't put up a wishlist this year because I was feeling too guilty about not doing enough in fandom this year to warrant it, and about the fact that I have zero time leading up to Christmas to fulfil anyone elses's wishes (festivid is my one contributing act), but if there was one thing I would love it is company at Christmas time. I know absolutely no one is online, but if you find yourself with a few dead hours to kill (perhaps while the relatives are sleeping?!), wave hello to me! I'll probably be here, vidding, catching up on shows or vids, commenting on posts you've long forgotten or generally lurking around aimlessly. It always seems like the one time I *have* time is the one time of the year in fandom that no one else does. So forgive if you receive random comments from me during the holiday season, and please don't think badly of me. Not everyone has family.

As I say, I kind of can't wait to start 2010 in a new frame of mind (even if I'm beginning some of those changes now). I hope to be a better Bop then (and not crash out of so many fandoms!).

If anyone still wants a card, you can pipe up here. If not, have a safe and restful holiday season! xx Bop

PS. Oh! Oh! I do want something else! BADLY! Recs. Vid recs by preference (assume I've missed everything because I've been so fail this year). Fic recs if its really exceptional and will not set me off into rages. :D Then I shall have holidays filled with joy. Self-pimping totally advocated!

Comments

[chaila43.livejournal.com]

You don't suck, life just happens! Also word on the lack of balance. I have the same problem; I seem to either want to be working all the time, or I want to be playing all the time and neither one feels healthy. Someday, I say, I will figure it out. :/ Let me know when you find the magic key!

And I come bearing a couple of recs! You've probably seen all the TSCC vids, but on the off chance you haven't, here are a couple, dare I say, slightly more obscure ones that never got a lot of attention that I really like a lot.

Speeding Cars (http://ana-jo.livejournal.com/20655.html) by ana_jo. An overview of the series that focuses largely on the intersecting emotional connections between the characters rather than the plot, with a particular focus on Sarah and John (obvs). It seriously gets me every time, and I've watched it, uh, a lot. Oh everyone. *wibble*

Dirtywhirl (http://twistdmentality.livejournal.com/46729.html) by twistdmentality This is just a cool little vid. Absolutely perfect song choice for Cameron and I love the use of everybody's else's reaction to her to show her creepiness and strangeness.

And one to make you laugh!

It's Raining Men (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtoI029sKIk&feature=related). Period dramas, with a heavy focus on Jane Austen. I haven't seen several of these movies--though it's funnier for the ones I've seen--but it doesn't matter because the whole concept is hilarious crack!

I hope the performance goes fabulous! :)

[bop-radar.livejournal.com]

either want to be working all the time, or I want to be playing all the time and neither one feels healthy.
That is me, EXACTLY! I am not good at managing two large life 'fields' at once! I am a very efficient worker, for instance, but I think that is because I block everything else out when I work... whereas other people seem to be thinking about their friends, fam, hobbies, etc, still as well. The downside is that I tend to look up after a month of work and realise that my friends and fam have buggered off in a huff and my hobbies are down the toilet. ;)

I'm totally behind in all vidding fandoms... but now I have catch up time! \o/ So thank you tons for the recs. :D

[chaila43.livejournal.com]

IN THAT CASE, I feel I will not have done my duty unless I ensure that you have also seen Lost at Sea (http://community.livejournal.com/scc_vids/13733.html) by halcyon_shift and Riot Act (http://thuviaptarth.livejournal.com/123004.html) by thuviaptarth. Okay I'm done!