Introspection
Jun. 12th, 2008 08:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bop_radarI've been in a very introspective mood recently, and among other things have been contemplating my fannish status.
It's not been an easy couple of months for me with my fandoms. Smallville Season 7 wasn't the strongest season ever, but it did have some brilliant Lex material, except now, of course, he's gone. And the news re. Season 8 has not exactly filled me with hope. I will watch Season 8, but I do feel like things are coming to an end there. The remaining aspect I'm most invested in (Clois) doesn't seem to be a big part of the writers' agenda for the season so realistically I think there will be a dimming in my enthusiasm for the show. I'm kind of ok with because it's a very gradual thing but it is hard because it was my gateway fandom and it's not the only show that's coming to a close...
BSG. Sigh. BSG has been haaaaard. I didn't even realise how high my expectations going into season 4 were until they totally failed to be fulfilled. I think I found it a lot easier to roll with the punches (or plot holes) in season 3, when there was still plenty of time for things to come good again. Now I feel like there's a ticking clock while I'm watching and a voice screaming 'they're running out of tiiiiime!'
Where my ship (Kara/Lee) is concerned, I feel completely crushed. It makes no sense whatsoever to me to play that big grand scene at the start of this season and then have them not even speak to each other on their return. I know there's a lot of other plot threads going on, but I'm talking 30 seconds. That's all it would have taken.I have a horrible feeling the writers don't feel they need to do any further storytelling about them, and that they've pressed 'pause' on the whole relationship until, say, the last 15 minutes of the final episode, when they'll suddenly throw in some tearjerky declaration of love before nuking at least one of them. (Um, yes, my cynicism is a problem.) If that happens, it will actually piss me off MORE than if they had actually ended the relationship formally for some greater plot purpose. I want character consistency, dammit, not 'shock!' moments.
I know my crankiness about this is spreading to the show as a whole, but I've also been disappointed in Lee's plot. I was so excited about his political career, but I thought it would be played with slightly more realism. One week he was the new guy, the next he was CAG of the Quorum (everyone looking to him), and then WHAM! he's President. I can't be UNhappy about that, but it could have been better (particularly Sine Qua Non).
I miss being in my emotions when I'm watching BSG. Nowadays I get thrown out of it so often, I find I'm picking holes in the eps before they're finished. I try to get back into it but... that emotional connection is missing most of the time, and it's leaving me feeling empty. My heart's not in my meta these days and I miss it.
I've been having a long hard think about what to do about this. Obviously season 4.0 is nearly over and there's nothing I can do about that. But I'm a completionist and I *do* want to see things through to the end of season 4. How could I ever give up on Lee?! :D However, I clearly need to a) lower my expectations and b) acquire some zen.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
queenofthorns has been rewatching earlier seasons and I'm thinking that this could work for me too. I am due a rewatch anyway and it might help me to either find other aspects of the show to enjoy or just revel in nostalgia for the bits I always liked.
The other zen-inspiring solution I've come up with is: VID. When in doubt, vid. Vidding creates an emotional distance even when there's not one and usually allows me to reconnect with the source in a different way. So I'm still engaged but my expectations and desires are different. I've got several BSG vid bunnies floating around my head at the moment (Paranoid Android left a big hole) but am yet to fully settle at any of them. I think I'll push myself to do so though because it will cheer me up AND keep me distracted.
This leads me to the third part of my fannish crisis/transition though. I think I'm starting to be a vidder as my primary fannish THING. I don't know whether that sounds presumptuous or obvious, but it was quite the revelation to me when it occurred to me earlier this week. It's not a reflection on the quality of my vids (just to be clear!), though I do think they're getting better--it's more about the amount of time I spend vidding versus other fannish activity these days. I started out writing meta mostly, and I don't see myself ever giving that up, but with the two main shows I write about on the wane, it's not surprising I'm feeling a little lost. But more and more I approach fandom from a vidder's perspective--I even vet potential shows on how good they might be for vidding! When I've got spare 'fandom' time, I inevitably watch vids. Or rec vids. Or beta vids. Or vid. ;)
Overall this is a positive realisation because vidding is something I can take with me beyond my current fandoms. However, thinking it through, I do have some anxiety about the fact that it's a less interactive fannish activity--or it feels that way. Vidding is a lot of solitary work. Meta, on the other hand, is a short burst of solitary work and then (when it's going well) a lot of fascinating to-ing and fro-ing with other people. So I experienced some probably-misplaced anxiety about possibly losing some of the social aspect of fandom if I retreat into my vidder's shell. I think there's a fairly easy solution there though, and that's to keep posting and commenting regularly.
I guess I'm both interested in and a little freaked out by these changes. I've been in fandom several years now and this is a new phase for me.
If I wasn't so introspective right now, here's where I'd be playing...
-svgurl is running a Lois Lane Love week and posting daily round-ups of activities. I'm looking forward to catching up on the weekend!
-latxcvi has a mega-poll on the best and worst of Smallville, which I am very curious about.
-talitha78 posted some great truths about vidding.
-daybreak777 made an AWESOME post about favourite vid moments which I totally totally want to emulate, but every time I try and narrow down my choices I go into meltdown or find that an hour has passed and I've been playing the same vid over and over again. One day! Soon...
It's not been an easy couple of months for me with my fandoms. Smallville Season 7 wasn't the strongest season ever, but it did have some brilliant Lex material, except now, of course, he's gone. And the news re. Season 8 has not exactly filled me with hope. I will watch Season 8, but I do feel like things are coming to an end there. The remaining aspect I'm most invested in (Clois) doesn't seem to be a big part of the writers' agenda for the season so realistically I think there will be a dimming in my enthusiasm for the show. I'm kind of ok with because it's a very gradual thing but it is hard because it was my gateway fandom and it's not the only show that's coming to a close...
BSG. Sigh. BSG has been haaaaard. I didn't even realise how high my expectations going into season 4 were until they totally failed to be fulfilled. I think I found it a lot easier to roll with the punches (or plot holes) in season 3, when there was still plenty of time for things to come good again. Now I feel like there's a ticking clock while I'm watching and a voice screaming 'they're running out of tiiiiime!'
Where my ship (Kara/Lee) is concerned, I feel completely crushed. It makes no sense whatsoever to me to play that big grand scene at the start of this season and then have them not even speak to each other on their return. I know there's a lot of other plot threads going on, but I'm talking 30 seconds. That's all it would have taken.I have a horrible feeling the writers don't feel they need to do any further storytelling about them, and that they've pressed 'pause' on the whole relationship until, say, the last 15 minutes of the final episode, when they'll suddenly throw in some tearjerky declaration of love before nuking at least one of them. (Um, yes, my cynicism is a problem.) If that happens, it will actually piss me off MORE than if they had actually ended the relationship formally for some greater plot purpose. I want character consistency, dammit, not 'shock!' moments.
I know my crankiness about this is spreading to the show as a whole, but I've also been disappointed in Lee's plot. I was so excited about his political career, but I thought it would be played with slightly more realism. One week he was the new guy, the next he was CAG of the Quorum (everyone looking to him), and then WHAM! he's President. I can't be UNhappy about that, but it could have been better (particularly Sine Qua Non).
I miss being in my emotions when I'm watching BSG. Nowadays I get thrown out of it so often, I find I'm picking holes in the eps before they're finished. I try to get back into it but... that emotional connection is missing most of the time, and it's leaving me feeling empty. My heart's not in my meta these days and I miss it.
I've been having a long hard think about what to do about this. Obviously season 4.0 is nearly over and there's nothing I can do about that. But I'm a completionist and I *do* want to see things through to the end of season 4. How could I ever give up on Lee?! :D However, I clearly need to a) lower my expectations and b) acquire some zen.
queenofthorns has been rewatching earlier seasons and I'm thinking that this could work for me too. I am due a rewatch anyway and it might help me to either find other aspects of the show to enjoy or just revel in nostalgia for the bits I always liked.The other zen-inspiring solution I've come up with is: VID. When in doubt, vid. Vidding creates an emotional distance even when there's not one and usually allows me to reconnect with the source in a different way. So I'm still engaged but my expectations and desires are different. I've got several BSG vid bunnies floating around my head at the moment (Paranoid Android left a big hole) but am yet to fully settle at any of them. I think I'll push myself to do so though because it will cheer me up AND keep me distracted.
This leads me to the third part of my fannish crisis/transition though. I think I'm starting to be a vidder as my primary fannish THING. I don't know whether that sounds presumptuous or obvious, but it was quite the revelation to me when it occurred to me earlier this week. It's not a reflection on the quality of my vids (just to be clear!), though I do think they're getting better--it's more about the amount of time I spend vidding versus other fannish activity these days. I started out writing meta mostly, and I don't see myself ever giving that up, but with the two main shows I write about on the wane, it's not surprising I'm feeling a little lost. But more and more I approach fandom from a vidder's perspective--I even vet potential shows on how good they might be for vidding! When I've got spare 'fandom' time, I inevitably watch vids. Or rec vids. Or beta vids. Or vid. ;)
Overall this is a positive realisation because vidding is something I can take with me beyond my current fandoms. However, thinking it through, I do have some anxiety about the fact that it's a less interactive fannish activity--or it feels that way. Vidding is a lot of solitary work. Meta, on the other hand, is a short burst of solitary work and then (when it's going well) a lot of fascinating to-ing and fro-ing with other people. So I experienced some probably-misplaced anxiety about possibly losing some of the social aspect of fandom if I retreat into my vidder's shell. I think there's a fairly easy solution there though, and that's to keep posting and commenting regularly.
I guess I'm both interested in and a little freaked out by these changes. I've been in fandom several years now and this is a new phase for me.
If I wasn't so introspective right now, here's where I'd be playing...
-
svgurl is running a Lois Lane Love week and posting daily round-ups of activities. I'm looking forward to catching up on the weekend!-
latxcvi has a mega-poll on the best and worst of Smallville, which I am very curious about.-
talitha78 posted some great truths about vidding.-
daybreak777 made an AWESOME post about favourite vid moments which I totally totally want to emulate, but every time I try and narrow down my choices I go into meltdown or find that an hour has passed and I've been playing the same vid over and over again. One day! Soon...
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-06-12 02:41 pm (UTC)Two things give me hope though - one is that after "The Captain's Hand" (with a similar scene of "closure" to their relationship) and the awful scene in LYDB (and the FATSUIT!) I figured Kara and Lee were done for good, and yet then we had "Unfinished Business" in store for us and it was so lovey and wonderful. The other is that BSG does this with the relationships ALL THE TIME. It's like the way that Laura couldn't talk to both Adamas during the same period so as soon as "Home" was over, she hardly ever spoke to Lee - right now they're focusing on the Laura/Adama relationship and they can't, seemingly, juggle two balls at once, but that doesn't mean Kara/Lee is over for good (or even until the final episode.) It's often quite clumsy, but that does seem to be how they do relationship stuff on the show. Plus, maybe the "deleted scenes" between Lee and Kara will form the focus of those TV movies :P (Just as "Razor" explained what changed between Lee and Kara from "The Captain's Hand" to LDYB.)
I agree that there's a sense of time flying by with no real resoluations, but OTOH, most of s3 did that too, and then, kerpow there was all that stuff between "Maelstrom" and "Crossroads." (I'm not HAPPY about the pace of this season, but ... I'm not despairing either!)
And I love Lee far too much to ever, ever stop watching the show before it ends.
(I do highly recommend the rewatch, though - actually, it was YOUR vid "Middleman" - my #1 favorite ever! - that got me all interested in rewatching, because I found myself unable to remember the context of a number of the scenes you used in the vid :P)
no subject
Date: 2008-06-13 10:08 am (UTC)Hmmm... I don't know why but I never thought that. This is the first time I have truly felt they were 100% over and perhaps it's why I'm taking it so hard. I think it's also because I feel like I only had about 5 seconds of believing Kara really does love Lee on some level before they shut down the ship!
BSG does this with the relationships ALL THE TIME.
Ok, you got me there. It really does. but it's INFURIATING! ;D This comment does give me some hope.
most of s3 did that too, and then, kerpow there was all that stuff between "Maelstrom" and "Crossroads." (I'm not HAPPY about the pace of this season, but ... I'm not despairing either!)
Mmm, yes. I think you were more despairing at times during Season 3. ;) Somehow I weathered that (and yes, it was a far from perfect season also) but have taken this season hard. I need my zen back!
actually, it was YOUR vid "Middleman" - my #1 favorite ever! - that got me all interested in rewatching, because I found myself unable to remember the context of a number of the scenes you used in the vid :P)
OMG! *squeeee* That's so flattering. :D Especially given that I did not shirk the fatsuit in it. ;)
I'm vidding Kara right now (!!SHOCK!!) so plan to do a bit of rewatching along the way. It should be helpful I think.