bop_radar | Introspection

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Introspection

I've been in a very introspective mood recently, and among other things have been contemplating my fannish status.

It's not been an easy couple of months for me with my fandoms. Smallville Season 7 wasn't the strongest season ever, but it did have some brilliant Lex material, except now, of course, he's gone. And the news re. Season 8 has not exactly filled me with hope. I will watch Season 8, but I do feel like things are coming to an end there. The remaining aspect I'm most invested in (Clois) doesn't seem to be a big part of the writers' agenda for the season so realistically I think there will be a dimming in my enthusiasm for the show. I'm kind of ok with because it's a very gradual thing but it is hard because it was my gateway fandom and it's not the only show that's coming to a close...

BSG. Sigh. BSG has been haaaaard. I didn't even realise how high my expectations going into season 4 were until they totally failed to be fulfilled. I think I found it a lot easier to roll with the punches (or plot holes) in season 3, when there was still plenty of time for things to come good again. Now I feel like there's a ticking clock while I'm watching and a voice screaming 'they're running out of tiiiiime!'

Where my ship (Kara/Lee) is concerned, I feel completely crushed. It makes no sense whatsoever to me to play that big grand scene at the start of this season and then have them not even speak to each other on their return. I know there's a lot of other plot threads going on, but I'm talking 30 seconds. That's all it would have taken.I have a horrible feeling the writers don't feel they need to do any further storytelling about them, and that they've pressed 'pause' on the whole relationship until, say, the last 15 minutes of the final episode, when they'll suddenly throw in some tearjerky declaration of love before nuking at least one of them. (Um, yes, my cynicism is a problem.) If that happens, it will actually piss me off MORE than if they had actually ended the relationship formally for some greater plot purpose. I want character consistency, dammit, not 'shock!' moments.

I know my crankiness about this is spreading to the show as a whole, but I've also been disappointed in Lee's plot. I was so excited about his political career, but I thought it would be played with slightly more realism. One week he was the new guy, the next he was CAG of the Quorum (everyone looking to him), and then WHAM! he's President. I can't be UNhappy about that, but it could have been better (particularly Sine Qua Non).

I miss being in my emotions when I'm watching BSG. Nowadays I get thrown out of it so often, I find I'm picking holes in the eps before they're finished. I try to get back into it but... that emotional connection is missing most of the time, and it's leaving me feeling empty. My heart's not in my meta these days and I miss it.

I've been having a long hard think about what to do about this. Obviously season 4.0 is nearly over and there's nothing I can do about that. But I'm a completionist and I *do* want to see things through to the end of season 4. How could I ever give up on Lee?! :D However, I clearly need to a) lower my expectations and b) acquire some zen.

queenofthorns has been rewatching earlier seasons and I'm thinking that this could work for me too. I am due a rewatch anyway and it might help me to either find other aspects of the show to enjoy or just revel in nostalgia for the bits I always liked.

The other zen-inspiring solution I've come up with is: VID. When in doubt, vid. Vidding creates an emotional distance even when there's not one and usually allows me to reconnect with the source in a different way. So I'm still engaged but my expectations and desires are different. I've got several BSG vid bunnies floating around my head at the moment (Paranoid Android left a big hole) but am yet to fully settle at any of them. I think I'll push myself to do so though because it will cheer me up AND keep me distracted.

This leads me to the third part of my fannish crisis/transition though. I think I'm starting to be a vidder as my primary fannish THING. I don't know whether that sounds presumptuous or obvious, but it was quite the revelation to me when it occurred to me earlier this week. It's not a reflection on the quality of my vids (just to be clear!), though I do think they're getting better--it's more about the amount of time I spend vidding versus other fannish activity these days. I started out writing meta mostly, and I don't see myself ever giving that up, but with the two main shows I write about on the wane, it's not surprising I'm feeling a little lost. But more and more I approach fandom from a vidder's perspective--I even vet potential shows on how good they might be for vidding! When I've got spare 'fandom' time, I inevitably watch vids. Or rec vids. Or beta vids. Or vid. ;)

Overall this is a positive realisation because vidding is something I can take with me beyond my current fandoms. However, thinking it through, I do have some anxiety about the fact that it's a less interactive fannish activity--or it feels that way. Vidding is a lot of solitary work. Meta, on the other hand, is a short burst of solitary work and then (when it's going well) a lot of fascinating to-ing and fro-ing with other people. So I experienced some probably-misplaced anxiety about possibly losing some of the social aspect of fandom if I retreat into my vidder's shell. I think there's a fairly easy solution there though, and that's to keep posting and commenting regularly.

I guess I'm both interested in and a little freaked out by these changes. I've been in fandom several years now and this is a new phase for me.

If I wasn't so introspective right now, here's where I'd be playing...
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svgurl is running a Lois Lane Love week and posting daily round-ups of activities. I'm looking forward to catching up on the weekend!
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latxcvi has a mega-poll on the best and worst of Smallville, which I am very curious about.
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talitha78 posted some great truths about vidding.
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daybreak777 made an AWESOME post about favourite vid moments which I totally totally want to emulate, but every time I try and narrow down my choices I go into meltdown or find that an hour has passed and I've been playing the same vid over and over again. One day! Soon...

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Where my ship (Kara/Lee) is concerned, I feel completely crushed. It makes no sense whatsoever to me to play that big grand scene at the start of this season and then have them not even speak to each other on their return.

I have missed one beautiful Kara/Lee moment in Sine Qua Non, have you seen it?

Here:
http://galacticabbs.com/index.php?autocom=gallery&req=si&img=147836

I'm wondering if Lois's 13 episodes a season might be a DC stipulation. Of course the new guard also jettisoned Kara so it could be that they are trying to put their own mark on the show.

I hear you, my friend. I hear you. Sigh.

Yeah, I'm pretty bummed about the fact that Kara and Lee aren't talking to each other (maybe that scene in the brig really WAS goodbye!!)

Two things give me hope though - one is that after "The Captain's Hand" (with a similar scene of "closure" to their relationship) and the awful scene in LYDB (and the FATSUIT!) I figured Kara and Lee were done for good, and yet then we had "Unfinished Business" in store for us and it was so lovey and wonderful. The other is that BSG does this with the relationships ALL THE TIME. It's like the way that Laura couldn't talk to both Adamas during the same period so as soon as "Home" was over, she hardly ever spoke to Lee - right now they're focusing on the Laura/Adama relationship and they can't, seemingly, juggle two balls at once, but that doesn't mean Kara/Lee is over for good (or even until the final episode.) It's often quite clumsy, but that does seem to be how they do relationship stuff on the show. Plus, maybe the "deleted scenes" between Lee and Kara will form the focus of those TV movies :P (Just as "Razor" explained what changed between Lee and Kara from "The Captain's Hand" to LDYB.)

I agree that there's a sense of time flying by with no real resoluations, but OTOH, most of s3 did that too, and then, kerpow there was all that stuff between "Maelstrom" and "Crossroads." (I'm not HAPPY about the pace of this season, but ... I'm not despairing either!)

And I love Lee far too much to ever, ever stop watching the show before it ends.

(I do highly recommend the rewatch, though - actually, it was YOUR vid "Middleman" - my #1 favorite ever! - that got me all interested in rewatching, because I found myself unable to remember the context of a number of the scenes you used in the vid :P)

Edited 2008-06-12 14:43 (UTC)

I knew coming into season four of bsg that frankly, it was unlikely to please me simply because I know I am a rarity in that I like a happy ending. And the producers of BSG have gotten too much critical praise for being "dark" to back away from it now.

That said, I'm sorry but the BSG of season 1 and 2? Was a hell of a lot tighter plot wise, and I didn't need to call "Shenannigans!" on it every ten effing seconds. And I am definetely getting the vibe that pushing out the *ideas* that the producers/writers want to explore is being done at the expense of the show's *characters*.

I won't say people are *wildly* out of character, but from the first episode of the season, things have been tweaked to allow certain exciting and yet essentially pointless things to happen. Kara trying to assasinate Roslin for example. Would Kara really do that? Maybe. Would Bill - who "can't live without laura" - cheerfully hand Kara a ship to play with? No...not really. Would he protect Kara from being killed as a Cylon? Yup. Let try to off the president and get a whole other bunch of people killed? No.

And in order to reduce the threat of the Cylons, a threat that was never strongly established in fact to begin with, we just start making up shit. The hub. The hub that no one ever spoke of, not even Sharon "I'm on your side" Agathon, that is every science fiction cliche. Oh, and then we focus the secret cylon story line (and retell the secret cylon storyline) on four characters that are dislikable as humans, and three of whom are played by the actors on the cast with the least ability and talent. (Look Trucco is pretty but staring vacantly is not acting sad)....

I have been disappointed and I am not afraid to be labeled as some ranty "early adopter fangirl" because I am not cooing every time Kara snarls and kissing cutie pie Sam.

The other zen-inspiring solution I've come up with is: VID. When in doubt, vid. Vidding creates an emotional distance even when there's not one and usually allows me to reconnect with the source in a different way.

This is exactly how I cope with Smallville's crackheadedness. It works beautifully.

Overall this is a positive realisation because vidding is something I can take with me beyond my current fandoms.

Yes! Vidding is very portable. Still, I am a bit worried about where my passion will go after SV is over. It's been my vidding inspiration for so long now that I'm afraid I'll be adrift without it. Not that I think I will stop vidding SV the moment season 8 ends, as I have a couple of massive overview vids planned, but nevertheless, it will be the end of an era. I think I will probably float from fandom to fandom, making one-off vids, until I find something that consumes me again.

So I experienced some probably-misplaced anxiety about possibly losing some of the social aspect of fandom if I retreat into my vidder's shell. I think there's a fairly easy solution there though, and that's to keep posting and commenting regularly.

Oh, but couldn't you meta about vidding? :)

*hugs*

What about finding some new shows? I wonder if you would like Mad Men. I know I'd love to read your meta on it! :D

Gosh, Boppy! We must be on the same wavelength because I drafted similar posts too but I'm holding forth on posting until the BSG season finale. Sometimes you just have to sort things out with your favorite shows. Seems like what you are doing.

Where my ship (Kara/Lee) is concerned, I feel completely crushed.
Aww! I actually feel pretty good about them. They haven't hurt each other this season. Yet. Also it's mainly too because I've been watching fan vids of them from season 1 and 2. Don't mind me. Watching fan vids has been so helpful in me maintaining pilots squee this season.

When in doubt, vid.
You are so cute! I like this solution! Go for it. :-) I love your vids so it's win/win here. And like writing fic, you can meld a vid to your own vision. You also happen to be a vidder that actually embeds meta into the vid. There can be much discussion on that. And look at me. I write about vids all the time and I'm not even a vidder. (Thanks for linking to my post, btw.) No, it's not as intereractive as meta posts. Neither is writing fic. But vidding can be something for you. And remember, I began watching Smallville because a single, lovely SV vid. And then I started shipping Clark and Lana. I was so innocent. Look at that ship. What the heck was I thinking? Oh, Smallville.

I gotta run, but after BSG I will also think about my feelings on my favorite shows. It's like spring cleaning. I rarely discard anything, but just have to clear out the cobwebs sometimes. :-)

it's interesting to hear your thoughts on your fannish engagement - both on specific canons and your place within them - because i feel like i'm going through something similar.

it sounds to me like once the canons close, you anticipate moving on to something new, is that right? or at least adding a new, open-canon show? perhaps i'm assuming, but it seems to be one of the implicit things in this post. do you think that's because you're used to having a 'live' show as the platform for your fannish production?

i came into fandom via angel/buffy, after the shows had ended, so my initial experience of fandom was inevitably colored by the fact that they were closed canon shows. it really turned out to make a difference, once i started getting active in open canon shows. i've only recently gotten into smallville, and literally last week, i started getting into BSG. one of the things i distinctly wondered, as i buckled in for a marathon run through all 3 1/2 seasons of BSG to date was: i wonder if there are any bsg meta writers on my flist. i'm dying to pick the canon apart, talk about the Big Things that the show brings up.

anyway, i'm going to sort through your meta, if you don't mind, and i bet you have a lot of interesting things to say.

and your position and approach to what you feel you're going to do in fandom, and how that's changing, is really interesting as well. it sounds like it's sort of a mixed bag? on the one hand, vidding sounds like it's gratifying for you, and perhaps, what with the canons closing, there are fewer opportunities for meta? but on the other, i'm sensing a little bit of sadness there, too. do you think there are other reasons, aside from the closing of canon, for your increased interest in vidding?

I'm so sad that Erica is limited to 13 episodes. I'm thinking it may have to do with DC Comics and their restrictions but it still sucks. :(

But thanks for the pimpage for Lois Love Week! :D I appreciate it. It's going great so far! :D

Hey, can I read this without getting spoiled for BSG? I'm behind--haven't seen the last 2 episodes, but I would like to read about your fannish transitions.

I actually agree with both of your complaints about this season - they could have thrown in a quick scene between Kara and Lee when she could back to maintain continuity. I'd have liked one between Kara and Adama too. :) And with Lee - some real missed opportunities there.

But I really empathize with missing fandom, even though it's preemptive in my case. What will I write about?? Woe!

But hey, you can still be in fandom even if you hate the show. ;)

I miss being in my emotions when I'm watching BSG. Nowadays I get thrown out of it so often, I find I'm picking holes in the eps before they're finished. I try to get back into it but... that emotional connection is missing most of the time, and it's leaving me feeling empty. My heart's not in my meta these days and I miss it.

*nodding*

This happened to me about nine months before it happened to you. All of a sudden, the bottom fell through and my interest leaked out. This has rather gotten in the way (cough) of my wanting to act fannish and even post on LJ.

I don't know. I love being emotionally implicated in shows and books, but either I've changed or the material has because I am not hooked by any of the new (or the old - woe!) stuff out there. I've given it a great deal of thought and I think it's the material that is changing. Despite this being the age of 'personal growth' and 'individual creative maximisation', mass market creation has become more homogenised than milk. I think the search for ~~Earth~~ rapid profitability is killing creativity. This is certainly the case with Smallville (product placement overload) and BSG.

I've still interested in BSG intellectually. But emotionally I couldn't care less anymore. With the possible exception of Tigh, I feel that I'm looking at cardboard cutouts or at best mythological figure not flesh and blood people.

*clicks on links to cheer self up*

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