Fanvid: Some Time Around Midnight

[bop_radar]

Song: Some Time Around Midnight
Artist: The Airborne Toxic Event
Fandom: Battlestar Galactica
Summary: Lee knows that Kara will break him in two.
Thanks: To m_a_r_i_k_s for betaing and for sharing the difficult emotional journey with this vid and engaging with it more than I could ever hope anyone would, to supacat for not getting it at first... but then getting goosebumps, and to kuwdora for enthusiastic support and keeping me sane when I drifted from reality on occasion.

This one broke ME in two.

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Comments

[laurashapiro]

Oh, well done! The build in this is just chilling. Great song choice, beautifully executed.

[bop_radar]

Thank you so very much! This was a real struggle to make so I'm glad that doesn't show too much in the final version. Thrilled you enjoyed it! *hugs*

[laurashapiro]

I can imagine -- a lot of source to wade through, and source that you feel betrayed you. I'm amazed you were up for making a BSG vid after you the way you felt about it (hell, I'm not sure I'll be up for making any of my languishing BSG vids, either).

You did a great job. Kudos.

[bop_radar]

It was absolute agony and I had a lot of anger and sadness to process (I actually made a 'therapy' vid on the side in the final couple of weeks to deal with some of that, using 'Lip Service'). I think it did me good though? I guess time will tell... I know I felt very compelled to make it even though I wasn't sure I would ever revisit any of my BSG ideas, for yes I too have others that may never see the light of day.

It's hard. For all that I will never be able to forgive BSG for the way I feel it failed its original promise and specifically the characters I loved most of all, these two do still haunt me.

Thank goodness for new loves to ease my pain though: I'm just getting into Season 2 of Farscape and my love for Aeryn is becoming EPIC! I just watched the episode where she finds out about her link to Pilot and how he became bonded to Moya--omg, so much love!

[laurashapiro]

OMG AERYN ♥ and PILOT! Oh, how I adore that episode. The show is fearless.

Farscape is one show that I never felt betrayed me. Cancellation after S4 was a tragedy, but we got our mini-series and I felt almost all promises were fulfilled. I do wish we had gotten a full fifth season, but what's left is simply room in the canon for fan writers, artists, and vidders to play around. Not destruction. Not despair.

Contrast with BSG, and well. Yeah. Agony for sure. I'm sorry you suffered so much in making this! But glad to know it did you good.

[bop_radar]

Yes, that episode was probably my favourite so far. It was amaaaaaazing. I love Pilot so much!

I can see that there is a big difference between an early cancellation and not quite enough time to fully explore everything left to explore and ... well, BSG, where everything became this sick, distorted mindfuck of what it could have been.

I'm really enjoying Farscape. I can already imagine rewatching it as well. And also looking forward to watching many vids with fresh eyes! :)

[laurashapiro]

Now I want to hang out while you watch them all! Nothing more fun than a fangirl's first trip through Farscape. :D

Pilot! I ache for him.

[bop_radar]

He was so tragic and sad with his 'I do not deserve to be a pilot' and 'I will work hard to deserve it'. Oh, Pilot! His selflessness and then his inner guilt about his selfISHness just destroy me. Also, I love, love, love the complex relationship that Aeryn has with him and Moya.

[laurashapiro]

He is tragic and sad. He's also passive-aggressive. (: I love that he's so flawed. They're all so flawed. It just makes me love them all more.

And yes, Aeryn is the closest to Pilot and Moya of any of them. It's a special bond and it just gets thornier and thornier as things go on.

[bop_radar]

I love that the characters are all so clearly flawed, yes. And the chaotic way that decisions get made! It's so fresh for scifi where ships normally have a clearer command structure. I can feel the show building into more powerful territory so I clearly have a lot to look forward to!

[laurashapiro]

You really, really do. (:

[siljamus]

My reaction when I saw this post went something like this: "Oh f@£$! No way I'll be able to watch that, now is there?"

I have watched, I've DL'd and I have watched some more and yeah, I'm still kind of stuck on "Oh F@$£!!!!" But damn, you're good, Boppy, because I knew going in that this vid would most likely break me, but I wasn't quite prepared for just much I was going to feel whilst breaking. Not being a K/L shipper myself probably sets me firmly outside of your primary target audience for the vid, but you get Lee like very few people do and claw your way under his skin.... I think I needed this; I needed someone to fight for Lee, to give voice somehow to something I haven't been able to articulate in months and months of just being angry. I'm not sure you were trying to say what I heard, but I still needed to hear it. And for that I thank you.

Also? This is a brilliant vid and a keeper.

[bop_radar]

Wow! thank you! I'm blown away by your feedback. I can't exactly say who my target audience was with this (other than ME!) but I know it's more skewed towards Lee fans than Kara-focussed Kara/Lee fans, because one of my betas is a Kara girl and her reactions were ... different! :p

I'm so glad if this vid said anything that you needed to hear, especially that it touched you through the anger. I know how consuming that anger is and how hard to heal. I don't think I shied away from the destructive nature of their relationship so if that's part of what you saw then that was deliberate. While I do ship them, what I was wanting in part to explore here was the pain of being caught in a love that overwhelms you and destroys you and breaks you (and yeah there's probably some of my feelings about the SHOW packed in there!).

[siljamus]

I don't think I shied away from the destructive nature of their relationship so if that's part of what you saw then that was deliberate.

You most certainly didn't, which is one thing that I find very compelling about the vid and the very tight Lee POV you keep all the way through (and you do it so well technically as well).

what I was wanting in part to explore here was the pain of being caught in a love that overwhelms you and destroys you and breaks you

Mission accomplished! This is also where I realise again that I can no longer connect with the narrative of BSG on a purely "story" level. These days it's always about the SHOW and how I feel about that. Watching the vid was the first time in months or rather years that I've been able to connect with Lee inside of his story in canon instead of looking at it from the outside with an analytical distance.

I think some of what I have trouble articulating is how pointless I find a lot of the destructive behaviour from a narrative point of view. It didn't go anywhere nor have any pay off; it just got worse and worse to the point of being almost pointless, if that makes sense. And that was something I needed to "hear" from someone else, someone who sees Lee in a way similar to the way I used to, someone who's POV I could connect with through shared experiences.

(I'm pretty sure I'm not making much sense, so here, have a pretty Lee icon instead *g* And you made an exceptional vid, Boppy, both on a technical level and on an emotional one.)

[bop_radar]

This totally makes sense to me!

These days it's always about the SHOW and how I feel about that. Watching the vid was the first time in months or rather years that I've been able to connect with Lee inside of his story in canon instead of looking at it from the outside with an analytical distance.
Yes, 100%. It was very sad for me to lose that intra-show experience but season 4 well and truly flung me out into analytical/critical mindset and I think I had a lot of grief about losing that connection with Lee. Perhaps then you can understand both my drive to reaffirm that that connection was/is something that is/was very alive and real to me, despite the grotesquerie that BSG became, and also how difficult it was to climb back 'into' the story. I'm still 'coming down' from the experience, and it was a very difficult one emotionally, but as the dust settles I am increasingly feeling it was worth it and feel like it helped me reclaim something from the show while at the same time acknowledging the ugliness.

And yes, I hear you on the pointlessness of the destruction narrative-wise. Ultimately RDM couldn't or didn't want to control his narrative and that's tragic considering what powerful material he had. It's been hard for me to deal with the love I had for BSG and Lee despite that. And I know you're someone that gets that. Talking to people like you about it helps it feel a little more normal to feel this way.

[kass]

Oh, Boppy, this is gorgeous and it breaks my heart all over again. I had forgotten how much I loved them! And first and foremost this inspires an emotional response. There's also so much that's beautiful here on a technical level -- clip choice, rhythm, the way the two of them are orbiting one another, dancing with one another, fighting with one another. This is the iconic Kara/Lee vid, as far as I'm concerned.

[bop_radar]

Oh, thank you so much! *hugs* I'm delighted you liked it so much. Definitely I built it to prompt an emotional response but it's lovely that you can see the rhythms and circling as well. It's a pretty crowded market out there, Kara/Lee-wise, but I guess I just really needed to tell the story from Lee's point of view, my way.

[tree]

i am very late, but having just watched this i wanted to thank you for an amazing emotional journey (in only 5 minutes!). reading your comments was very interesting, too, because as a kara fangirl, it wasn't until about halfway through that i figured out this was from lee's POV. i was too busy watching kara. and then it hit me and i almost started to cry. i love all the visual parallels, especially the hand-claspings and the way their bodies move toward each other, even when they're not kissing. the hurt and the ferocity and everything was just so powerful. so, thank you. i'm downloading it right now.

[bop_radar]

Thanks for the lovely comment! I am so touched by everyone's reactions to this vid. I understand what you mean about being too busy watching Kara. One of my betas is a 100% Kara girl and I got to watch her watch it in person, and yeah, she couldn't see Lee's pov at first either. I'm glad the moment when it hit you was powerful though. He loves her SO DAMN MUCH.

[tree]

hello! i've just discovered the vid commentary community at LJ and i saw that you've allowed blanket permission for commentary on your vids. i just wanted to say thank you! and let you know that i've signed up to write a commentary for Some Time Around Midnight. i'm excited. :)

[bop_radar]

Hi! Wow, I'm blown away... thank you so much! I love the vid_commentary community, and I don't really know how to express how much it means that someone would write about 'Midnight'. I am sure it will be fascinating for me to read about your viewing experience! I hope you have fun writing the commentary--I loved being able to spend longer with some of my own favourite vids that way. :)

[caramarie]

I meant to comment on this when I first watched it, but my main reaction was being overwhelmed. It's amazing – painful and compelling, stunningly put together. Everytime things kick up a notch is just, guh. And you pull it off over and over. Completely, utterly amazing.

[bop_radar]

Thank you so very much for the generous and amazing feedback! I am glad it worked for you so well. Pacing was definitely something I worked hard on, given the length of the track.

[wendelah1]

Here via tree. Wow. I had forgotten how much I loved this show, back in the day. I relate to your anger at how it ended, and was glad I hadn't stuck around for the fourth season. I got pissed off about the direction I thought the show might be headed around the middle of the third and quit watching, so there was a lot of new footage there for me. This was intense and painful as hell, but wonderful, too. Yes, he did love her, so very very much. And through the lens of your vid, it looks as though maybe, just maybe, she finally understood.

[bop_radar]

Oh wow, thanks so much for your comment! Part of me used to wish I'd had the strength to stop watching too. ;) I have reconciled with that now (stopped beating myself up for my masochism :p!) but believe me, that I respect your ability to decide for yourself where the show strayed from its original promise and not torture yourself. For me there were flickers, flashes and echoes in Season 4 of the ... for lack of a better word, organic journey for Kara and Lee (that made the surrounding CRAP even harder to deal with) so this vid was partly an attempt to reclaim some of my own truth from the dog's breakfast they made of it. It took a long time to get the confidence to reframe it the way that felt right to me. So comments like this mean a lot to me!

I do believe she understood by the end. I can't buy Kara-as-Angel. I *know* Kara and there she was KARA in these scenes with Lee. (The fact Katee had no idea what she was probably helped immensely!) I chose to focus on that--on the vibrant connection I felt pulsing between them still. In that reality, yes, I believe she got to a point where she could see through her inner pain to that truth.