bop_radar | Introspection

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Introspection

I've been in a very introspective mood recently, and among other things have been contemplating my fannish status.

It's not been an easy couple of months for me with my fandoms. Smallville Season 7 wasn't the strongest season ever, but it did have some brilliant Lex material, except now, of course, he's gone. And the news re. Season 8 has not exactly filled me with hope. I will watch Season 8, but I do feel like things are coming to an end there. The remaining aspect I'm most invested in (Clois) doesn't seem to be a big part of the writers' agenda for the season so realistically I think there will be a dimming in my enthusiasm for the show. I'm kind of ok with because it's a very gradual thing but it is hard because it was my gateway fandom and it's not the only show that's coming to a close...

BSG. Sigh. BSG has been haaaaard. I didn't even realise how high my expectations going into season 4 were until they totally failed to be fulfilled. I think I found it a lot easier to roll with the punches (or plot holes) in season 3, when there was still plenty of time for things to come good again. Now I feel like there's a ticking clock while I'm watching and a voice screaming 'they're running out of tiiiiime!'

Where my ship (Kara/Lee) is concerned, I feel completely crushed. It makes no sense whatsoever to me to play that big grand scene at the start of this season and then have them not even speak to each other on their return. I know there's a lot of other plot threads going on, but I'm talking 30 seconds. That's all it would have taken.I have a horrible feeling the writers don't feel they need to do any further storytelling about them, and that they've pressed 'pause' on the whole relationship until, say, the last 15 minutes of the final episode, when they'll suddenly throw in some tearjerky declaration of love before nuking at least one of them. (Um, yes, my cynicism is a problem.) If that happens, it will actually piss me off MORE than if they had actually ended the relationship formally for some greater plot purpose. I want character consistency, dammit, not 'shock!' moments.

I know my crankiness about this is spreading to the show as a whole, but I've also been disappointed in Lee's plot. I was so excited about his political career, but I thought it would be played with slightly more realism. One week he was the new guy, the next he was CAG of the Quorum (everyone looking to him), and then WHAM! he's President. I can't be UNhappy about that, but it could have been better (particularly Sine Qua Non).

I miss being in my emotions when I'm watching BSG. Nowadays I get thrown out of it so often, I find I'm picking holes in the eps before they're finished. I try to get back into it but... that emotional connection is missing most of the time, and it's leaving me feeling empty. My heart's not in my meta these days and I miss it.

I've been having a long hard think about what to do about this. Obviously season 4.0 is nearly over and there's nothing I can do about that. But I'm a completionist and I *do* want to see things through to the end of season 4. How could I ever give up on Lee?! :D However, I clearly need to a) lower my expectations and b) acquire some zen.

queenofthorns has been rewatching earlier seasons and I'm thinking that this could work for me too. I am due a rewatch anyway and it might help me to either find other aspects of the show to enjoy or just revel in nostalgia for the bits I always liked.

The other zen-inspiring solution I've come up with is: VID. When in doubt, vid. Vidding creates an emotional distance even when there's not one and usually allows me to reconnect with the source in a different way. So I'm still engaged but my expectations and desires are different. I've got several BSG vid bunnies floating around my head at the moment (Paranoid Android left a big hole) but am yet to fully settle at any of them. I think I'll push myself to do so though because it will cheer me up AND keep me distracted.

This leads me to the third part of my fannish crisis/transition though. I think I'm starting to be a vidder as my primary fannish THING. I don't know whether that sounds presumptuous or obvious, but it was quite the revelation to me when it occurred to me earlier this week. It's not a reflection on the quality of my vids (just to be clear!), though I do think they're getting better--it's more about the amount of time I spend vidding versus other fannish activity these days. I started out writing meta mostly, and I don't see myself ever giving that up, but with the two main shows I write about on the wane, it's not surprising I'm feeling a little lost. But more and more I approach fandom from a vidder's perspective--I even vet potential shows on how good they might be for vidding! When I've got spare 'fandom' time, I inevitably watch vids. Or rec vids. Or beta vids. Or vid. ;)

Overall this is a positive realisation because vidding is something I can take with me beyond my current fandoms. However, thinking it through, I do have some anxiety about the fact that it's a less interactive fannish activity--or it feels that way. Vidding is a lot of solitary work. Meta, on the other hand, is a short burst of solitary work and then (when it's going well) a lot of fascinating to-ing and fro-ing with other people. So I experienced some probably-misplaced anxiety about possibly losing some of the social aspect of fandom if I retreat into my vidder's shell. I think there's a fairly easy solution there though, and that's to keep posting and commenting regularly.

I guess I'm both interested in and a little freaked out by these changes. I've been in fandom several years now and this is a new phase for me.

If I wasn't so introspective right now, here's where I'd be playing...
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svgurl is running a Lois Lane Love week and posting daily round-ups of activities. I'm looking forward to catching up on the weekend!
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latxcvi has a mega-poll on the best and worst of Smallville, which I am very curious about.
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talitha78 posted some great truths about vidding.
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daybreak777 made an AWESOME post about favourite vid moments which I totally totally want to emulate, but every time I try and narrow down my choices I go into meltdown or find that an hour has passed and I've been playing the same vid over and over again. One day! Soon...

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Ok! Your thoughts on the eps (particularly the latest one) if you have any may help me. :) You usually have a unique take.

Hee! Unique is one way to put it. I guess that comes from being completely free of BSG-fandom, other than your reviews.

Though now I am torn between going to my office tonight to watch BSG (since I don't have the download speed at home) or watching the movies I've rented that are due tomorrow. Decisions, decisions.

Yup, I love that you are free of the fandom. :D

Can I sway your decision by saying that there's some phenomenal acting from Mary McDonnell in the most recent ep? :D *evil*

But I see that watching the movies is a much more sensible decision. *nods*

And I feel like my tone is really angry so please understand that I am not - I'm actually engaged in a fandom right now where a secondary person on a reality show actually passed away in real life and some idiots are actually getting offended that one of the reality show stars isn't being held up as chief mourner and its incredibly offensive and is making my words come out harsh. SO please, don't think I am upset at you.

Wow! That's really horrible. This is why I'm glad I'm not into any reality-based fandoms. Gah! Feeling a sense of ownership over fictional characters is one thing, but that just makes me shudder. I can totally understand why you're upset.

(deep cleansing breath, looks away from the Little People Big World forums)

I think we're similar actually, in wanting the glimmers of hope. When I say happy ending, I don't expect everyone to be super happy married having babies and cheerfully playing xbox. I mean, hope is restored, humanity will carry on, despite the horrific losses, and maybe everyone will have learned a thing or two. Right now I really think we're gonna get a mindfuck ending.

I agree and don't agree about Kara, and this might be more a portrayal issue. I agree she had reason to be upset, but I disagree that she was so upset that she was completely unrational, so panicked that she just lost it. Kara was VERY collected despite the cylon accusations, and seemed to simply disregard the entire suspicion as ridiculous and she's smart enough to know it isn't ridiculous. Was she nuts? Yeah, but not nuts enough that I think she had NO control. Bill has done DUMB things but giving a ship to Kara went beyond "brain cramp you'll regret" to "SO FUCKING STUPID SHE"S CRAZY AND THE CREW THINKS SHE'S A CYLON AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT HER IN CHARGE TO FOLLOW HER HUNCH!!!!" - thats where I got mad at the writing, to start with, because really? Bill had plenty of ways to indulge Kara that didn't include setting his people up for death due to her judgement. And lets not forget, people died. And there's been no payoff.

The secret cylons... I could forgive the acting if something intertesting was happening but really, it's not new. And worse, it's about two characters who just.... are bit characters. I'm sorry... who CARES that Tory - who is only on the show because the actor playing Billy quit - and who never had a story line or diologue until season four - is a Cylon? Who cares that Sam - who's entire purpose has basically been to look pretty with Kara - is a Cylon?

The labels piss me off because I honestly think "noob" and "early adopter" are just a way to dismiss someone's opinion. I may not agree with Allie, for example, but that doesn't mean I get to bitch that she wasn't here for the miniseries. Her opinion isn't less valid, you know?

If Roslin tried to kill her, tee hee hee, maybe it was because the crazy bitch broke into her room and pulled a gun after returning from the dead much like a cylon does. (I'm actually not trying to be snippy, I just dislike the logic that Kutie Kara was just innocently assaulted by Mean Ros for NO REASON and MEANT NO HARM)

Oh, I dislike that logic too. Dude, I <3 Laura. She's the one character who can try to kill my TV girlfriend and incur no ill-will from me. Lee does it and I sulk for weeks. ;) Laura does it and... hey, from her POV, it makes sense. I'm just grateful her aim sucks. ;)

Anyway, that wasn't what I meant to say - just that (1) I agree Kara was violent and crazy-seeming, I just don't think she planned kill Laura, which doesn't make going all Rambo and pulling a gun on her fluffy-bunny, and (2) I can see why Adama did what he did without it being completely OOC. I also was willing to write off a lot - from both him and Lee - to the emotional impact of getting someone you love back from the dead. If anything would spin your head around, that would.

my point is that we didn't used to have to fanwank it, because the writing used to be tight.

*nods* That I do agree with. I wish Skiffy had renewed for two more 13-episode seasons instead of their current idiocy, because that's when the writing was undeniably at its best.

Edited 2008-06-12 23:59 (UTC)

my heart says 'no! there is nothing like Smallville! nothing!'

Awww. This made me smile like a loon.

The story is this. On Little People Big World, there's a family friend named Mike. He helps out with projects and it's very clear he's a close family friend and helps out with the kids since the dad on the show, is fairly handicapped. He coached soccer for the kids, he and the youngest boy almost died in a horrific accident with a trebuchet about 2 years ago... and he died of a heart attack a few days ago.

Thats awful. He seemed like a really nice guy.

He and the tall older boy fixed cars together and were very close. To the fanpoodles, Jeremy the tall older boy, can do no wrong. SO the obit comes out, and it references Mike's actual family (he had children of his own) and the Roloff family (the little people family on the show) and the fanpoodles are affronted! That Jeremy was not mentioned in the obit. Posting violence ensued

There's word that it's the producers (http://bop-radar.livejournal.com/159186.html?thread=4589266#t4589266), not DC. If so, that makes me a lot more ragey than if it was a DC stipulation.

There's word that it's the producers (http://bop-radar.livejournal.com/159186.html?thread=4589266#t4589266), not DC. DC I can kind of understand, but I'm upset that given the opportunity to have Erica for longer the producers are actively avoiding this.

Congrats on Lois Love Week--it looks like a big success! And well done: I know how tiring those things can be. As I say, I hope to come play on the weekend, which is in, er, 5 or 6 hours my time. :D

Thanks. Companionship is helpful!

Man, am I glad I'm not in that fandom! O.O

Yes, it's.... incredibly insane and I feel horrible that a nice show about little people on a farm has turned into a raging battle over racism (there's some evidence the family is less than open minded) gay rights, drunk driving, and now this.

Yet I have not been able to step away :/

I mean, hope is restored, humanity will carry on, despite the horrific losses, and maybe everyone will have learned a thing or two. Right now I really think we're gonna get a mindfuck ending.
Same and same. *nods*

Kara was VERY collected despite the cylon accusations, and seemed to simply disregard the entire suspicion as ridiculous and she's smart enough to know it isn't ridiculous. Was she nuts? Yeah, but not nuts enough that I think she had NO control
No, I agree! Through the first four or so eps I thought she was solidly in character despite her return from the dead. She was just under immense pressure. And yeah, good call that she's smart enough to know it's NOT nuts.

thats where I got mad at the writing, to start with, because really? Bill had plenty of ways to indulge Kara that didn't include setting his people up for death due to her judgement. And lets not forget, people died. And there's been no payoff.
*nods* I also have rage about Bill hedging his bets the way he did. Paying lipservice to Laura but giving Kara a ship anyway. He always wants to have his cake and eat it too! And annoyingly they usually write it so that he DOES. It was so obvious that they had him give her a ship because it suited the writers' agenda and not because it made character sense. It's one of Ron's stupider 'oh I thought the audience would roll with it' moments. And yeah, the lack of payoff makes it particularly galling. Gaeta lost his leg! :(((

And worse, it's about two characters who just.... are bit characters
Yup. They need to be doing something REALLY interesting and worthwhile with their stories to get past that obstacle. We know neither actor or character was planned, we know they weren't intended as Cylons to begin with, we're not that invested in them... yet the writers are playing it to us as if we REALLY CARE. And yes, I know there are hoardes of Sam fans out there, but I feel they've even dropped the ball on Sam's plot. I thought they were going to use him to explore the human perspective of finding out you're a Cylon, but he went back to playing support-guy-and-convenient-sex-object to Kara almost instantly. So they're not even making the most of what they COULD do with them.

The labels piss me off because I honestly think "noob" and "early adopter" are just a way to dismiss someone's opinion. I may not agree with Allie, for example, but that doesn't mean I get to bitch that she wasn't here for the miniseries. Her opinion isn't less valid, you know?
Yup, I do know and agree that labels are always problematic. Even when they start out complementary, they so quickly become shorthand for particular stereotypes.

Mmmph. It's often the way that you can't step away even when you want to be able to because it's just so horrible.

Yeah, I could excuse them if it's DC but if they're just holding her back, that's wrong. She's one of the best characters and honestly? The most consistently written. I adore her ... how could they say they'll "bring her in for more if they need her"? When do we not need her?

Thanks! I'm really pleased with the way it turned out! I have finals this week or I would've been better ... I should've probably done it next week but I got impatient. LOL! I'm glad people go so enthusiastic though.

And yay for participation! :D

No, I agree! Through the first four or so eps I thought she was solidly in character despite her return from the dead. She was just under immense pressure. And yeah, good call that she's smart enough to know it's NOT nuts.

This is what I mean by OOC. If she's smart enough to know it's not a crazy thing to think that the chick who came back from the dead might be a cylon, then why is part of her problem the rage of "How dare anyone not trust me???". She isn't dumb. She also wasn't hysterical enough to completely disregard this and that she was so nasty and affronted didn't ring true to me at all.

It was so obvious that they had him give her a ship because it suited the writers' agenda and not because it made character sense. It's one of Ron's stupider 'oh I thought the audience would roll with it' moments. And yeah, the lack of payoff makes it particularly galling. Gaeta lost his leg! :(((

It was also a great big timewaster, which irks me even more. Guess what - we didn't need any of this plot to get us to this point (and I include Gaeta actually getting a story - it ALL could have been cut). There was absolutely no need to drag out the demetrious storyline. Guess what? They find a heavy raider two days into the search. Kara lets the CYlon on board. SHe wants to take the Demetrious - Helo who is in charge says NO, but allows her and a crew to head to the basestar in a raptor. Helo goes with, and sharon and sam. Gaeta takes the Deme bac and reports the scary ass plan.
Then the basestar stuff happens. They jump back to the fleet and stand down. All in ONE FREAKING exciting episode! Without a completely gratuitious couple of killings and maimings. (Maybe Barolay needs to die to make the cylon stuff but Gunny Mathias and Gaeta shoulda been fine) Except that we needed to fill five episodes so Kara treating everyone like garbage and a lot of dumb deaths got added in. I would give up Awesome Gaeta scenes if the plot moved faster. (My dislike of Gaeta losing hsi leg is that it was purely a chain yank, it marginalizes an actor who is a LOT better than Trucco or SHarma, and it sets Gaeta up to devolve into a really bitter, angry character and snce thats EVERY Other CHARACTER on bsg, I don't need it)

Trucco as an actor annoys me - I can admit that. Sam as a character was one I liked until the endless CYlon angst and then I got bored because ultimately it will end badly.

Point - I assume that the only people who survive to the final episode are main cast, but I am going to be really annoyed if we have to sit thru secondary redshirt death of the week until the final episode. The show used to be more daring. There was a point where I would believe that Roslin would let Baltar die. But Kara marysued her way back to life (with, after all is said and done, no consequences at all) and guess what? Bill, Lee, Kara, Baltar and SHaron/Six will all be standing in the final episode NO MATTER WHAT. And I would not be shocked to see Roslin there as well.

) I figured Kara and Lee were done for good, and yet then we had "Unfinished Business" in store for us and it was so lovey and wonderful
Hmmm... I don't know why but I never thought that. This is the first time I have truly felt they were 100% over and perhaps it's why I'm taking it so hard. I think it's also because I feel like I only had about 5 seconds of believing Kara really does love Lee on some level before they shut down the ship!

BSG does this with the relationships ALL THE TIME.
Ok, you got me there. It really does. but it's INFURIATING! ;D This comment does give me some hope.

most of s3 did that too, and then, kerpow there was all that stuff between "Maelstrom" and "Crossroads." (I'm not HAPPY about the pace of this season, but ... I'm not despairing either!)
Mmm, yes. I think you were more despairing at times during Season 3. ;) Somehow I weathered that (and yes, it was a far from perfect season also) but have taken this season hard. I need my zen back!

actually, it was YOUR vid "Middleman" - my #1 favorite ever! - that got me all interested in rewatching, because I found myself unable to remember the context of a number of the scenes you used in the vid :P)
OMG! *squeeee* That's so flattering. :D Especially given that I did not shirk the fatsuit in it. ;)

I'm vidding Kara right now (!!SHOCK!!) so plan to do a bit of rewatching along the way. It should be helpful I think.

This is what I mean by OOC.
Ok, sorry: I'd assumed your complaint was that she was overly emotionally demonstrative, which was complained about a lot at the time. I think your point has a lot more validity and I found the writing clumsy too.

All in ONE FREAKING exciting episode! Without a completely gratuitious couple of killings and maimings.
That would have been sooooo much better. Sigh. You're so right. All completely unnecessary and gratuitous.

My dislike of Gaeta losing hsi leg is that it was purely a chain yank, it marginalizes an actor who is a LOT better than Trucco or SHarma, and it sets Gaeta up to devolve into a really bitter, angry character and snce thats EVERY Other CHARACTER on bsg, I don't need it
WORD, WORD, WORD!

Sam as a character was one I liked until the endless CYlon angst and then I got bored because ultimately it will end badly.
I liked Sam at times, but have always had issues with him, and the final straw was definitely him shooting Gaeta.

The show used to be more daring. There was a point where I would believe that Roslin would let Baltar die. But Kara marysued her way back to life (with, after all is said and done, no consequences at all) and guess what? Bill, Lee, Kara, Baltar and SHaron/Six will all be standing in the final episode NO MATTER WHAT. And I would not be shocked to see Roslin there as well.
Ha! So true. I think that's why the show's lacking a lot of emotional power for me these days. It's all so predictable--and there is zero real suspense because only minor characters will die and their deaths can usually be spotted coming a mile away. I laughed at your last sentence: I'm starting to feel the same way too, and given how much they've foreshadowed her death that will really annoy me.

We are having some weird brain snych thing going on, *nods*.

Also it's mainly too because I've been watching fan vids of them from season 1 and 2. Don't mind me. Watching fan vids has been so helpful in me maintaining pilots squee this season.
I should have done that. SERIOUSLY. I shouldn't have depended on the show to give me them. :(

It's like spring cleaning. I rarely discard anything, but just have to clear out the cobwebs sometimes. :-)
That's an excellent description of what I'm doing. I do think vidding--and maybe vid-watching and meta about vidding--is my way forward. Already, I'm getting into this Kara vidding thing (feels weird!) and finding some zen again. Just hope the midseason cliffhanger doesn't spin me out again!

it sounds to me like once the canons close, you anticipate moving on to something new, is that right? or at least adding a new, open-canon show?
Yes, you're right. I do think it's because I'm used to it as my main fannish platform. As you describe, there's a real difference between being in a closed canon fandom and being in an open one, and I've never really been in a closed one... I've caught up with shows after they've happened but never really investigated the fandoms for them. So it's unexplored territory for me. I guess it's a matter of familiarity: I know how to 'do' live, open canon fandom. I don't know what it's like when an open canon closes. Yet.

It's actually exciting to hear from someone who has just caught up with the show, so thank you. It's a timely reminder that it's ok to come 'late' to things and that I too may find my way to other fandoms.

perhaps, what with the canons closing, there are fewer opportunities for meta? but on the other, i'm sensing a little bit of sadness there, too. do you think there are other reasons, aside from the closing of canon, for your increased interest in vidding?
Oh, that's very intuitive of you. Yes, there is sadness as well. And yes, I do think there are other reasons. I've had some really wonderful experiences with meta-ing for shows as they air and made some amazing friends through that. I guess I am missing that, and it's changing the nature of my friendships as well because there's not that immediate centred place where we can connect. There's not the shared buzz and excitement any more. I'm feeling fannishly lonely, is the truth, and missing the cameraderie with others who are enjoying the show the way I used to.

We need her all the time. I don't get it either. It's maddening!

Your impatience is adorable. ;) I just watched a very cute Lois vidlet, so yay!

Coldness is a problem for me too which is probably why it took me a while to warm to Mad Men, but then there were events later in the season that knocked my socks off: I found Peggy's continuing successes incredibly moving and exciting, and her tragic "situation" at the end absolutely gutting. The lesbian and gay characters both broke my heart. The story of first "vibrator" thrilled me to pieces. And best of all, one of my least favourite characters, Betty, surprised me into loving her, with that final startling scene in the psychiatrist's office where she reveals just how much she knows about her husband and situation.

I'm just so impressed with the quality of the writing and so amazed that I am able to sympathise with such seemingly unsympathetic characters, that actually, I think the coldness might be a deception. Because coldness, to me, implies a lack of compassion for characters, and that's not something I would say about Mad Men. They might not be particularly likeable but they are all so recognisably human that I get a sense not that the creative team hates human beings but that they see us for what we are: flawed, maddening and marvellous. Like, for every scene with Don behaving like a hateful piece of shit we get one where he reveals his tortured soul or his undeniable talent or his capacity for love. You know?

I like Peggy, and Betty grew to be my favourite character against all expectations--I appreciated that a lot. I would tune back in for both of them. And I do agree that the quality of the writing is very high.

However, I have a block where Don is concerned. I agree that the show balances every scene of him being horrible with one that's meant to show his inner pain (heh!) but it doesn't work for me. I find him hateful in the extreme no matter how tortured he is. I know it's an emotional block that's personal and biased, because I can identify exactly where it comes from. But that insight doesn't help me actually get rid of it! And I think being blocked completely from Don hampers my viewing of the show.

I get a sense not that the creative team hates human beings but that they see us for what we are: flawed, maddening and marvellous.
Perhaps... I don't see a lot of the 'marvellous' in the show though: I mainly see the flawed and maddening. ;) And I understand their fascination with that and agree that there IS compassion there behind the writing, but ... maybe I'm too much of a romantic at heart or something. I want a bit of warmth between the characters as well. They're all so insanely LONELY! And while I do think that's true of life, I don't find it pleasurable viewing. ;)

You're making me think about the show more though, so maybe I could end up writing about it...

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Introspection

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